Rock This House
Jared Walnum
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GETHSEMANE                    Play song                

Remember, I lived my life here as a man- just like any other man. What ever a man would feel and experience I did too. Men feel love. So did I. Men feel joy and sorrow. So did I. They feel loss and gain. So did I. Men feel fear, abandonment, betrayal, pain, despair... So did I. I felt all those things and more.

You say, "but you're the son of God. It's different for you." I am what I am but it was not so different. To pay man's price I had to have man's experience.

Everything I did and experienced in my body was done by faith. I had to summon the faith of the ages. What I knew in my spirit I had to speak by faith in the world of being a man. Who I knew I was in my spirit I had to acknowledge by faith in my mind and then by faith express it in my words and actions. God may tell you something difficult to speak so you must have faith to say it out loud. Great faith was required of me to express the Son of God in the Son of Man's body, When I discussed scripture in the temple at 12, when I preached to the crowd who sought out my words, I was walking by faith in what my spirit knew.

When I knew that Judas would betray me and Peter deny me- when I knew how I would suffer and die, I had to face it with faith in my Father. J-u-s-t  l-i-k-e  a  m-a-n.

It was under the pressure of these imperatives that I went to Gethsemane to pray. My children/brothers/disciples came with me. I so needed their support, the strength of their comradely. It was not fully manifest yet but I knew I was a condemned man. I would be a curse in order to transition mankind into a blessing. I was like a soldier knowing that in the morning I would be sent on a suicide mission.

I said well, "Greater love has no man than to lay down his life for his friends." Now it would be put to the test. It would be put to the test in the most horrific manner imaginable. As we came to Gethsemane, I wondered if I had that kind of love.

I do.

I separated myself from the 11 Judas was not with us yet. He was off doing what destiny required. But I went off by myself for a short period to talk to my Father, to pray. I was agonizing so much over what was coming. Had I known that it would be this bad... You see I did know it in my spirit but in my flesh was denial. To fully grasp it would have crushed me before the time was fulfilled. Just like any other man.

Had I known it would be this bad I would still do it.

Let me speak of Judas for just a moment. I knew that he could not be a part of this. Well, he was a part but not a partaker. I wanted badly to be angry with him. Anger can be easier to bear than the devastation of one's soul by a friends betrayal. When he came with the soldiers and kissed me I thought that I would surely loose it. How deep the injury! Judas! I still love you my brother. I would have kept you under my wing but you would not.

I came back to rejoin my friends but they were all asleep. Didn't they get it? No. How could they be expected to grasp what I barely could understand in my flesh. My spirit knew. Still, how badly I wanted them to wait with me. I had the company of my Father but I still wanted the companionship of my disciples. My friends! MY SONS!!!

If they truly knew, they would not sleep. They would wait with me. Or would they be afraid and want to flee. Would they want to deny me? No. How could any of them do that to me? Still, one would. Peter was brave enough in the garden. He drew his sword and was ready to defend me to the death. So how could he do what he did later? He lost heart. What he thought he saw was that things had gone terribly wrong. He didn't understand that it had to go down this way in order to claim the ultimate victory. He would understand better later. I knew that. But in my flesh...

I want to flee but I can not. Yes, I can! I know that my father will send a legion of angels. But I will not flee.

It broke my heart when I knew that Peter would deny me. I had already born Judas's betrayal.

Father, Father, I don't know if I can bear this! I can. But is there any other way. Any other. No? Then not my will but yours be done.

When I prayed to my Father, blood came out of my pours. Salty sweat and blood. Salty tears. Salt and blood mingled and rolled down my face. Without salt, how will the world be seasoned. Without blood there is no testament.

I AM NOT FORSAKEN! I would doubt that more than once before it was over. I was the Son of Man. But I am the Son of God.

I was so afraid and full of despair. Mankind doesn't even know me! Why should I do this? Never the less, not my will... The Son of God was never afraid. The Son of man was.

The soldiers came. They weren't sure at first which one was me but a signal had been prearranged. A signal. A betrayal. The sweetness of a kiss. The bitterness of a betrayal. Salt and blood. Judas, must you betray me with a kiss!.

This was when Peter was so brave. Not now Peter. That's not what this is about. The time will come when you will understand better. After you deny me. After the rooster crows. After. One day you will be brave again. After I have gone to my Father and sent you another comforter you won't believe how brave you will be. But first I have to go away.

That's why the soldiers have come. They will take me away now. Take me away to be humiliated, beaten, scourged, impaled in my side and nailed to a cross. My fate is horrendous. My fate is blessed.

Father, I can't do this! Yes, I can. Is there another way? I will do this.

So they take me away and I know full well what is going to happen. Nevertheless, not my will but yours.