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LINKS WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYIN THE DEPRESSION TOOL KIT contents/disclaimer Grief is an inevitable part of life. When anything we value is lost to us we will experience some level of it. The deepest grief we may feel is when we lose a loved one. Down the line in order of descending intensity might be loss of a job or home. And so on down the line. Failure to grieve is not spiritual maturity. It's denial. The trouble with denial is that it stalls us in the process of grief. Thus sadness for our loss becomes clinical depressi on or anger and disbelief becomes ingrained in our being. Denial is actually considered the first stage of grief but each step needs to progress to the next and eventually end in resolution. Resolution means that you've come to a place where you can file the experience with it's attached emotions appropriately. When you pull that folder out you will feel sadness and loss but it goes back in the cabinet and the new normal has been integrated and life can again contain joy. Don't kid yourself even if we manage to suppress our emotions they will find a way to come out. They may even express in physical symptoms. When my mother died the superficial expression of my emotions was almost cold but I had daily debilitating headaches for months. The lesson here... don't try to sidestep your grief. By experiencing it you can in time work through it and possibly save a more disastrous emotional and/or physical collapse. previous next contents top
There is some speculation that ADHD and Bipolar Disorder are somewhat related. Cousins if you will. It's not uncommon for Bipolar to emerge where there's a family history of ADHD and vise versa. While the diagnostic and treatment criteria are different there can be some similar symptoms. Proper diagnosis is the first step in gaining ground and requires a medical professional. previous next contents top
Everyone that likes confrontation raise your hand. Most people don't. It's just plain difficult and uncomfortable. But sometimes it's important for emotional wellness. You're probably picturing confrontation as an angry in your face type of thing. That is a type of confrontation but not the only kind (certainly not the best). In fact, if you're coming on like that you've probably already let things go too far without a respectful confrontation. A bett er way to confront is to discuss your needs and feelings respectfully while recognizing that the other parties involved also have needs and feelings. “What kind of jerk are you for doing that,” is not a respectful confrontation and will probably just stir more animosity without resolving anything. “I feel bad when this happens,” is more respectful and has a better chance of being productive. Interaction with other human beings doesn't come with guarantees but the odds of a beneficial out come are exponentially increased when respect is given more space than accusation. previous next contents top
If you have someone special in your life you are blessed but wellness can not be dependent on who you have in your life. It depends only on you and God. Forget the idea that the right person will make everything okay. Searching with such expectations may just lead you through multiple heart breaks. Special people can bring good things to your life but they can not heal you. Good people are helps and bonuses not solutions. Appreciate quality people but keep expectations realistic. And when you pursue wellness do it for you own sake first and those who care for you will be blessed by the overflow. previous next contents top A large hindrance to emotional healing is the need to place blame. No matter how justified your feelings may be, blame won't accomplish wellness. Wellness is only improved by productive proactive efforts on your part. Blame will only bog you down in an endless lack of resolution. Proving you're right won't make you well. Learning to release your self from the burden and moving on will bring relief. Do what's responsible if the situation involves something illegal or unethical but the best way to give injustice a black eye is to rise above the emotional baggage. previous next contents top
The world is not always going to align with our will. Tolerance is not a statement of what is right and what is wrong or even preference. It's merely a tool through which we can cope in a world of myriad differences. Choose your battles carefully and only invest your emotion in the ones that really count. Failure to adjust only stirs torrents in your world and your wellness will suffer. previous next contents top What you give of yourself to others can be medicine for you. God will bless you in many ways for your efforts. Among them will be a reason to feel good about yourself by contributing value into another person's life. You also get to take a rehabilitative break from your own troubles by focusing your attention outward. The need for significance is built into most people. I'm not talking about a haughty, “I'm all that,” attitude but the knowledge that we belong in the world and that we bring something by our presence here. So make your presence known by doing something unselfish and helpful to someone else. Declare you value in actions and it will return to you in improved well-being. previous next contents top Know when the one battle is over and it's time to attack from a new front. Losing a battle doesn't mean the cause is lost. No war has ever been won without casualties and lost battles. It's the tenacity not to be defeated that makes the difference. A lost battle may be a lesson identifying something that doesn't work for you. So move on and re-evaluate your strategy. It's said that the definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing and expecting different results. If everytime I climb a ladder the rungs break though landing me painfully on the ground it may just be a clue that I need a new ladder. previous next contents top
Physical, emotional and spiritual well-being are the trinity of wellness. Turmoil in your emotions can breed turmoil in your body and spirit as well. Turmoil in your body likewise will effect your emotions and spirit. And your spirit also effects body and emotions. Wholeness is a product of all parts of your being receiving healing. Don't think that you can neglect any part without bringing damage to the others. previous next contents top I believe in you. I don't take a pie in the sky approach to anything. What you have is a struggle and may remain so for a long time. Short of a full out miracle it's not just going to go away. This may be your thorn in the flesh of which the apostle Paul spoke. But as long as you work and don't quit you can be better than you are right now. With God's help you may destroy your adversary completely. Understand though: No battle is won without casualties. Bear your scars as Christ bore his. Remember without a battle there is no victory and without a victory there are no spoils. The reward comes when you burn the enemy's flag. If Christ could rise from the grave he can raise you from the living tomb of despondency. previous next contents top This is for someone. I don't know who- but someone. Your wellness is a gift to those who care about you. Your survival is paramount. Choosing death goes way beyond selfish, It's cruel. I know people who lost loved ones to suicide. The ones left behind pay a tremendous price for the rest of their lives for the choice that other person made. “What if I did this? What if I did that? Why didn't I see it? I should have been able to do something.” They didn't choose it. I know you're hurting. I'm hurting for you. But death is not a solution. You win by living. You win for yourself and everyone who cares. What if tomorrow was destined to be the best day of your life. What if tomorrow was to be the day you break through. What if tomorrow was to be the day you change someone else's life for the better. You're better than this. God wants to hug you and hold you in this life. Talk to your loved one and get help now. Who is a trusted friend? It's more than a little bit fool hardy to share your inner most feelings with just anyone. Not everyone will handle your confidence respectfully. How do you know who to trust? There's no absolute way to know but history and experience with a person will help guide you. Don't be shy to pray for guidence as well. When there's someone new in your life, trust them with only little things in the beginning. If they show themselves worthy of small confidences over time, go a little deeper. But move forward in small increments until they have shown themselves worthy. Also, if they're telling you another person's secrets they will probably tell yours as well. When you're already suffering an emotional disorder. broken trust and exposed secrets can be devastating. previous next contents top
Depression colors perspective. When you're symptomatic it may not be the best time to make life changing decisions. Those that must be made might benefit from the input of trusted friends and/or family. The emphasis here on trusted. Not everyone is a good counselor. One life changing decision should be made even in the grips of your worst days. Believe God and fight every day for your wellness, healing and wholeness. previous next contents top What's the difference between experiencing emotion and experiencing an emotional disorder? After all everyone experiences a wide array of emotions without being considered sick at all. Emotions become symptoms when they are out of sync with your real world or elevated or prolonged beyond a reasonable norm. Normal is kind of hard to define but there are certain common realities that help. It's normal to experience a significant period of deep pain when a long term relationship ends. It's more likely than not symptomatic to be knocked down and out of the race over trivialities. Even normal, expected emotional reactions can become symptoms if they can not be effectively resolved. Finally when your emotions are significantly undermining your quality of life something is wrong that needs tending to. All emotions are created by God. Yes, even the unpleasant ones. They are created for specific functions and when experienced effectively protect us and enhance our wellness. Fear stirs up our defenses when in threatening situations. Guilt tells us we've done something that we need to consider and possibly fix. Sadness tells us to take a little time for healing. Where we get in trouble is when we don't work our way through them effectively, resolve them and move on. God doesn't intend for us to be stuck in fear, guilt or sadness. He wants us to experience them, act on the things they are alerting us to and then arrive at resolution. Acknowledge and experience all your emotions. Just don't live there. previous next contents top Disorders like bipolar can come with a double whammy. Not only is there the cycling that's inherent in the disease but also there can be regretful behaviors that present during episodes. Manic episodes are especially ripe for such behaviors. Then you get to add to your baggage despair or embarrassment when you reflect on behavior that made sense to you under the influence of episodes but is regretted when your mind is functioning more normally. The more you learn to resolve and release the past the lighter your luggage will be to carry in the present. You also improve chances of arriving at a happier, less symptomatic future. previous next contents top Even more cutting in the area of unmet expectations is when people in your world fail you. You must understand and expect this reality. Even those you trust the most and have the best motivations are going to fail you from time to time. You see they're all suffering from this condition, human. Be sure your expectations of your fellow humans are practical and reasonable. Understand that it's no one's job to accomplish your wellness but your own. If others bring value to your life, that's a bonus not a given. If you have expectations of others have the same expectations of yourself. When the fail, forgive them. When you fail, forgive yourself. previous next contents top Unmet expectations can be a toxic pool for emotional disorders. Everyone has to deal with disappointment whether completely healthy or with an emotional disorder. There is no magic pill. However, being realistic in your expectations avoids setting yourself up for a high dive into the green pond. Dream big but break you dreams down into achievable segments like stepping stones to traverse the toxic pond. When you succeed congratulate yourself for getting one step closer. When you fail (and you sometimes will) forgive yourself and contemplate what you have learned to bring you closer to success when you try again. previous next contents top Stress is an unavoidable aspect of life. Ineffectively managed it can be pure poison to any emotional disorder. Especially those considered biological such as bipolar. Find tools to reduce the consequences of stress. Some tools include forgiveness, redirecting thoughts, conflict resolution, prayer, relaxation, deep breathing, etc. Find the tools that work best for you and employ them liberally. previous next contents top
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